Friends

I was reading an article in Parenting this month entitled "Making Friends" I am quoting from it in italics. For all intents and purposes the word child is replaced with friend several times throughout this article. It is regarding shy, overwhelmed, or just unsocial children making friends. I found it interesting to read because alot of it applies to adults too. So I put this in my own guide.

I am not sure how many of you ever feel like you didn't learn the socially acceptable behaviors as a child, so here are some tips for friends of the socially awkward and for the socially awkward themselves.

The basics
1. "Learning to be a friend is a process that takes time and practice and experience...
2. It is important to have realistic expectations... during times we and our loved ones may get embarrassed and uncomfortable in situations... We wonder 'How should I respond?' or What should I do?

Helping your socially awkward friends
1. MOST IMPORTANT THING TO REMEMBER It's important to come to terms with who your friend is, with all his/her strengths and weaknesses, because its the only way they will grow and your friendship too. If you are busy trying to CHANGE your friend you’re going to set yourself up for frustration!
2. Your role as a friend is to help give your friend the tools and experience to become more comfortable with themselves and with social settings. Try to view an incident as an opportunity to guide rather than considering it a step back or a reason to end the friendship.

Understanding the Problem
1. By preschool kids are working on refining their social skills, figuring out things like how to break into a group or cope with rejection. Seeing things from another person's perspective they begin to understand why bad behavior (such as ignoring, talking behind someone’s back, lying, etc) might make a playmate upset.
2. By age 6 kids develop a more abstract and enduring sense of friendship, learning how to actually be a friend, they will see certain relationships as special with codes of conduct and benefits."

Some of us missed, skipped (didn’t have a supportive or healthy home environment – or we are copying our parents coping styles) etc these young childhood opportunities to learn – so work with us! :) When we are old and gray and have learned from ALL our mistakes – then we might be a great friend. But until then please remember no body (except Jesus, God and the like) is perfect – so cut us socially awkward people a break once in a while.

Disclaimer: The author was trying to get several points across this might not have been what she had in mind - it is my spin on this article and some of what I took from it to use in my own life.

If you would like to read the original article please click on the following link:
http://www.parenting.com/parenting/healthypregnancy/article/0,19840,mGRonadlsNmj,00.html